Contradictions of the Hurt


It never feels fair when it is you who has to feel the lump of pain on your throat – Kiwaru.

To be the one to have to wipe tears with the back of your hands in every passing moment.

Ooh the flow of the many questions of how and why it just had to be you.

Life is really hard. No. People are really hard on people. Trash does not happen, people make it happen, and they sweep it on others.

When I have to spend my time trying to heal from a wound that I never brought on myself? 

Why is it that someone walked away and left me in this messy state?

I speak to myself, I wish this did not affect me but it does!
“I don’t care!” But I do!
“It’s nothing.” But it is!
“I am OK!” I am not.
“Forget about it!” Oh how I can’t!

Then there is that which just deflates my psych flat.
“I am nobody.” I usually am.
“I lost it.” I actually have a winning spirit.
“So useless me!” I am useful; people will tell you that I am quite useful!
“I should hang myself!” No I won’t. I love life. I know I do.

At this point I feel so powerless. Down. Flat. Tears flow freely. Oh, too much. Every bit of strength drained out of me. It’s not the first time things are this way. I am sure it ain’t the last.

I have learnt to dodge minor punches.
I have learnt to keep standing at the sways of substantial punches.
I have learnt to trust God even when I am flat down.
I have learnt to stand faster when I fall.
I have learnt to appreciate these moments; here are times of my sharpening. 

One thing I am ever learning is to be grateful to God, for when I fall, I rise again!

 For the sufficiency of grace, I am glad.


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